What I learned from The Facebook Movie: When dudes don’t get laid, they do awesome things. All those times I said “No” to him, I said “Just you wait” to the world.
It applies to women too, doesn’t it?
Every time I break up with a boyfriend, I lose 10 pounds, take a shop class, go to Puerto Rico and make the paper because I discovered a planet.
And forget about breaking up for a moment – what about rejection, such as the kind that they portrayed Mark Zuckerberg to suffer from in “The Social Network?” Rejection can, and does, lead to invention…innovation…inspiration!
So, according to the Facebook Movie, if you want to be brilliant and stand out you should adhere to the following:
1. Don’t have sex, be mean to everyone, dress horribly, don’t give a crap what people think, screw over your friends, screw over your business partners and do it all so you can win back the person you alienated in the first place and who would still be with you if you didn’t call her a slut on your date and then refer to her breasts as being small to the entire city of Boston.
2. Patiently listen to somebody else’s idea, think of how you can improve upon it, build that idea instead, don’t communicate with the original person who’s idea it was and find a Latin friend who’s father has money so you can bring the idea to life.
3. Have Sushi with Justin Timberlake.
4. Don’t date an Asian girl who sets the scarf you bought her on fire (let your partner do that. You’re pushing him out, anyway).
5. Most importantly, include the word “bitch” on your business card. And it better be referring to you.
And don’t forget: Wear sweatshirts.
Thank you for joining me! Please check out my schedule page for live stand-up comedy performances every week in New York City!