What I learned from The Facebook Movie: When dudes don’t get laid, they do awesome things. All those times I said “No” to him, I said “Just you wait” to the world.

It applies to women too, doesn’t it?

Every time I break up with a boyfriend, I lose 10 pounds, take a shop class, go to Puerto Rico and make the paper because I discovered a planet.

And forget about breaking up for a moment – what about rejection, such as the kind that they portrayed Mark Zuckerberg to suffer from in “The Social Network?” Rejection can, and does, lead to invention…innovation…inspiration!

So, according to the Facebook Movie, if you want to be brilliant and stand out you should adhere to the following:

1. Don’t have sex, be mean to everyone, dress horribly, don’t give a crap what people think, screw over your friends, screw over your business partners and do it all so you can win back the person you alienated in the first place and who would still be with you if you didn’t call her a slut on your date and then refer to her breasts as being small to the entire city of Boston.

2. Patiently listen to somebody else’s idea, think of how you can improve upon it, build that idea instead, don’t communicate with the original person who’s idea it was and find a Latin friend who’s father has money so you can bring the idea to life.

3. Have Sushi with Justin Timberlake.

4. Don’t date an Asian girl who sets the scarf you bought her on fire (let your partner do that. You’re pushing him out, anyway).

5. Most importantly, include the word “bitch” on your business card. And it better be referring to you.

And don’t forget: Wear sweatshirts.

Thank you for joining me! Please check out my schedule page for live stand-up comedy performances every week in New York City!

www.vickykuperman.com/schedule

I used to have a lot of luck in dating. Back in 2006-2007, I hooked up with so many guys, my friends came up with a great nickname for me: a whore. How I wish I could come close to earning that title again!

Alas, I’m 2 months out of a 2-year relationship and my coolness factor has diminished slightly. I seem to attract men for a minute or two before they change direction. They don’t even move on to another girl. They just go home. They are faced with spending the night with me or snoring face down into their pillow, and they choose the latter. At least snore face down onto me! Something! Anything?

I feel like a divorced person who doesn’t know how to act in the real world anymore because they’ve been living in make-believe marriage land, spending their weekend days at Target and their weekend nights playing board games with other couples. I don’t know how to get a guy to close the deal but I do know how to make you guess the word “Computer” without using the words “keyboard”, “mouse”, “monitor”, “MAC” or “PC.”

What does it take to get a consistent hook-up in this city? I’ll make you a key! I’ll even pay for the replica. I live in a building without a buzzer, so I always have to go down and let people in. If it’s a prospective date, we usually lose interest in each other on the elevator ride back up. If I make you a key, you can come in and keep the lights off. That way, we start out well. I don’t even need to see your face. Switch out with your friend if you want. The cute one, though. Please. No grenades in my apartment, as The Situation would say.

I went back home recently for a 3-day weekend and tried to unsuccessfully hook up with 3 different guys. One was out of town (lame), one couldn’t get wheels (loser) and on the third night my friend showed up with the promise of hooking me up with his handsome buddy only to start hitting on me himself. It was all smoke and mirrors. A bait and switch! It’s like a Realtor promising me a 2-bedroom in the West Village with a doorman and then showing me the current apartment I live in and don’t want. “See? Isn’t this great? Sorry about the mess. This tenant is not exactly tidy. Maybe that’s why she lives alone if you know what I mean. There’s no view or air, but you already know that. The fire escape opens up right onto your head when you sleep at night, so sleep with mace and maybe a Machete. Your neighbor Harold will come introduce himself to you, because he is obliged to. By law. Anyway, this studio is going for $2k a month plus first, last and a 15% Realtor’s fee. You want it?”

No, I don’t want it! I want something new! But that Realtor was really cute. And he does have my key…

Stay hot and stay loose!

Check out my schedule and come back soon.

And don’t forget: Treat yourself today.