I watched 13 movies* in 2010. Here they are, from best to worst.
Please note: The rating of these movies are solely based on the opinion of Vicky Kuperman. They are in no way a reflection of the artistry or ability of the 13 filmmakers. If you are curious, I judged these movies in four categories: 1. Suspension of Disbelief. 2. Writing. 3. Acting. 4. Screen-time of Mark Wahlberg’s Abs.
Please also note: I did not see all the movies of 2010, therefore this list is based on my little world and nobody else’s.
Last note: Of these 13 films, I watched nine of them in the course of four days between December 24th and December 27th. Just a fun fact.
Best movie of the year. Many may not agree. I just didn’t see a better movie.
Story: See my blog: http://vickykuperman.com/2010/10/
Life Lesson Learned: When men don’t get laid, they create amazing things.
2. True Grit
Story: A girl who’s father was murdered in the wild, wild west hires a sherrif (Jeff Bridges) to find his killer and bring him to justice. Matt Damon, a Texas Ranger, tags along in the same search for a reward he wants on the same man’s head for crimes committed in Waco, Texas. The cinematography and music are beautiful, the story is poignant and simple and the humor weaves in seamlessly and often. It would be the best movie of the year if it wasn’t so distracting watching Matt Damon act in a mustache and knowing it’s Matt Damon and not a Texas Ranger. See it in the theater!
Life Lesson Learned: Matt Damon in a mustache will save your life once, but not twice…or three times.
3. The Fighter
Story: A boxer from Lowell, MA tries to do something with his life while his mother and brother try to keep him down. He meets a girl from a BAH named CHAHLENE (Amy Adams) who believes in him. The story is solid, the acting is amazing, the feeling is intimate. Best Supporting Actor Oscar goes to Christian Bale.
Life Lesson Learned: Mark Wahlberg has an amazing body.
4. Black Swan
Story: A ballerina (Natalie Portman) gets cast as the Swan Queen in her company’s adapatation of Swan Lake and begins on a psychological, paranoia-filled decline into the ultimate insanity that everybody is trying to take the role away from her. If you’re from Northampton, MA you may enjoy the bedroom scene between Portman and Mila Kunis. Incredible depiction of paranoia and the harsh world of ballet. The reason this film is not in the top two is that it was just too much of a stretch to see Natalie Portman as a ballerina. Even though she trained intensely for the role, she still comes across as an incredibly petite hip hop dancer. See it in the theater!
Lesson Learned: If there is something bothering you in your upper-mid back, you may just want to scratch it until it bleeds. After that, stick your finger in there and pull out a miniature black Christmas Tree. That could be the thing that’s been holding you back.
Story: The obligatory yearly christmas-time English Royal film. What makes this one special? Judy Dench isn’t in it! Prince George’s wife (Helena Bonham Carter) hires a speech therapist (Geoffrey Rush) to give speech lessons to the soon to be King George (Colin Firth). A friendship forms between Firth and Rush as they train His Royal Highness to pronounce his “P”s while digging into his childhood to find out the root of his Speech Impediment. A great film. No complaints. The story, however, is not strong enough to put the film into first place.
Lesson Learned: You can train for years for a nation-wide speech over the radio, but you still might have trouble with your “W”s.
Lesson Learned: If Anne Hathaway offers you something to drink, it is probably good for you.
Story: Victoria has formed a Vampire Army to come for Bella and cause Edward the pain she felt when he killed her partner, James. Jacob and the werewolves form a temporary truce with The Cullens so they can fight the Vampire Army together. Bella and Edward get closer. Not only can he kiss her while controlling himself, but apparently she can cut herself and drip blood left and right and he is completely unphased. Is he on valium?
Lesson Learned: If Mark Wahlberg isn’t available, Taylor Lautner’s Abs will do.
8. The Town
Story: Four robbers in Charlestown, MA rob a bank and capture the bank manager. They drop her off somewhere near the ocean but they keep her ID, realizing that she lives three blocks away from them. One of the robbers (Ben Affleck) purposely runs into her at a laundromat and they start a relationship. Meanwhile the FBI is close to cracking the case and receive an inside tip about their next heist, also declared by Ben Affleck that it will be his last. But before he can wipe his hands clean of the criminal life, he needs to come clean to his girl. The last bank scene is done quite well and in general, it is a good, solid film.
Lesson Learned: If a guy picks you up in a laundromat and has all sorts of ideas about what you should report to the FBI and what you shouldn’t, then he is probably the same guy who held you at gunpoint at your bank and pushed you into the back of a van.
Story: Julia Roberts leaves her husband to find herself in Italy, India and Indonesia. The scenery is nice and the amazing cast of supporting men defray Julia’s annoying-ness.
Lesson Learned: When Javier Bardem pops in a mix tape, takes your hand, looks you in the eye, points to the bedroom and says “It’s Time”, then I think that means he’s going to take off your clothes with or without your consent. Enjoy yourself.
10. Date Night
Story: A case of mistaken identity at a popular New York City restaurant leaves Steve Carrell and Tina Fey, a married couple from New Jersey, running from goons, FBI officials and cops.
Lesson Learned: Mark Wahlberg has an amazing body.
11. The Other Guys
Story: Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell are two mis-matched NYPD partners. They accidentally run into a mean man who does bad things and begin uncovering all his badness. Will Ferrell’s wife is Eva Mendes and Mark Wahlberg can’t get over her hotness and his idiocy. Not a good film. It falls apart after the first 10 minutes and the final message is confusing.
Lesson Learned: Mark Wahlberg has an amazing body.
Story: A girl from Iowa (Christina Aguillera) steals some money from the cash register of the bar she works at and gets a one-way bus ticket to L.A. to become a singer. She camps out at a Burlesque club and rises to be the main attraction. She develops a crush on the bartender, who at first she thought was gay and then finds out he has a girlfriend. (It always works out that way, doesn’t it?) Cher, the club owner, has financial problems and struggles with the notion of selling her club to an evil businessman (McSteamy from Grey’s Anatomy). At the end, everything works out. The singing and dancing in the movie is great but close your ears and eyes when they’re not singing or dancing. The acting is horrendous and the script is worse. Also, Christina Aguillera does not develop as a performer. The first time she gets on stage, she is suddenly Christina Aguillera. They got lazy and there’s too many holes in the film. It would be the worst movie I saw this year, but unfortunately I rented Wall Street.
Lesson Learned: Buy the Air (yes, the physical Air) above your house because that will come in handy when it’s time to barter with people who want to build Malls.
13. Wall Street
Story: Who cares? The movie SUCKED.
Lesson Learned: Don’t rent Wall Street.
* Also saw “The Tourist” but it is not a movie. It is a 2-hour photo shoot with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie on the canals of Venice. They don’t speak. See the slide-show at a theater near you.